I know he called himself a snake. But his only lies were to himself. Not a single soul under this lodge was one. That is except for me.
I am the son of Blair Barret, Wendell Barret. My mother being a bear and my father being a mountain dog made me the hybrid I am today. Though it seems I’m more of a snake than all of them combined. At least it’s better than being a bear or worse, a dog.
We were in the lodge. Dante and Rosey were asleep. We had checked Michael's room though and she wasn’t back yet. The others didn’t even know Blair was beside me as we waited.
She held the top of her walking cane with both hands in front of her, touching the base to the ground. As she spoke I kept my eyes down, eyeing the cane, “I know you don’t want to. No one wants to. But she killed your family. She’s a lowly murderer.”
My voice grew quieter, “She’s still another person.”
Her cane shifts as my knees flinch. Her voice leaned closer to my ear, “Murderers don’t deserve your sympathy. She deserves punishment or else she will never learn from her actions.”
My eyes watered at the thought, “And what about me? Won’t that mean I’m going to not deserve sympathy either?”
“Don’t talk so negatively sweetheart. I’ll always have sympathy for you. What you’re going to do will be warranted. You won’t be a murderer in my eyes because it’s simply self defence to defend your family. Not mindless and wasteful like what that rat’s done.”
My voice was barely a whisper, “I don’t know…”
Hers was louder, “She hurt Oscar, She hurt Simon, and she hurt you. These are people you love and some day if you sit on your ass and don’t do anything about it, she’s going to hurt me too. And I’m scared of the day that comes and I don’t want you blaming yourself for it because you did nothing.”
The door opened.
Her words leeched off my wounds, “Either you defend yourself and your family or live with knowing you let them die without a fight.”
It felt like pure acid running through my chest. A spike of adrenaline as Michael walked in through the door. The anger, rage, and confusion focused on my hands as they gripped her throat. The force hitting the wall loud enough to wake up everyone else but me.
Her feeble claws are not even strong enough to get through my skin. Her panicked eyes were not scared enough to get through to my mind. In my eyes was only my hands and my actions, no repercussions. Only a fear of inaction. A fear of being stagnant. A fear that nothing will change.
But so was something else. I let go. She dropped to the ground as I started to see again. Rosey was pushing me back. Her hand waved in my face trying to pull me back to my senses. They were all talking and making sounds. I could hear it all but put no effort in understanding it. My heavy breathing took up what little mind I had left for sounds. A stinging pain running down the sore scars under my eyes beneath my fur. The salt in my tears felt like it was melting into my face.
It was only now that I noticed myself yelling in a mindless response. Nothing but screeches of anger and frustration spilling out at Rosey for standing in the way. Yet she stayed firm and blocked me.
My hand raised to threaten her. Rosey never moved. My hand tightening to a fist as she kept talking. A few of her words managed to slip in. I expected the usual onslaught of being told to calm down or how I was wrong. But Rosey wasn’t normal, “You’re ok. She’s going to be ok. You can breathe now.”
More tears ran down my face as my fists gently pressed on my eyes. Through my sobbing and her words, the moment I had hid in my room from everyone was a blur.
I was now alone in the dark. My lights were still off. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. My breathing was calm. The burning was gone. My eyes were dry and tired. I took a smooth deep breath.
Looking at my hand, I saw a hint of blood. But only a small amount. All that and I only did a scratch. I was lucky none of my other claws got in.
My gaze raised to the window beside my bed. I stood up and walked to it, looking up at the moon. There was a larger sliver of darkness taking it over now. Time seems to be going by so much slower than I thought it would.
Will I even be alive by the time the next full moon comes? Will I see a fully lit up forest under it again? Did I already miss my last chance to treasure it?
I looked at my arms. Not even a scratch was left behind by Michael. Could she even kill me if she wanted to? But the guilt.
I lowered my arm again. Looking down at my own feet by the window. My ankle is still sore and aching.
Better question, would I even let her. Why do I even want this life? It's so rough and yet I’m still trying to keep it.
I gently opened the window and stepped outside. Walking to the side of the building I reached a small set of bushes. I crouched beside them to reach my arm in. I stood up as I dragged out a metal ladder. I set it up leaning on the house. The ladder landing on the same two scuff marks. I slowly made my way up the ladder and onto the roof of the lodge.
Here I sat and looked out at the sky. The pine trees still towered overhead but I now had a view between the canopy and the dense ground cover that separated the lodge from the town. A faint glow of lights from the town ahead broken up by trees. The breeze chilled my face and gently brushed by. Closing my eyes I could finally imagine it. Sitting at a shore line. The rustling of the leaves like the waves pushing up in the sand. The smell of rain slowly drifting in like a mist of a never ending blue horizon.
Why couldn’t I be there instead of here?