When I laid down on the roof, I was so wrapped up in trying to calm myself down that I didn’t even notice her at first.
I snapped out of my day dreaming when I heard a rustling to my side. Michael was on the roof with me, trying to quietly back away without me seeing her. When I did look in her direction she froze in place. She was now crouched near the edge of the roof with a look of fear in her eyes. Her shoulders caving in along with her messed up hair hiding part of her face made her only seem more of an insecure stereotype from a movie. Was that how pathetic I always looked to them?
I spoke up though without nearly as much bark as usual. I tried to lighten the mood with a more upbeat tone, “You know this roof isn't high enough anyways. All you’ll do is sprang your ankle from this height.”
She stayed still.
“Uhm…not a laugher?...Do you want money? Does money make you happy?” I patted down my shirt to find a spare 20 in one of my pockets. I unfolded it and held it out to her, “Here. I don’t need it. I mean you earned it really.”
Her eyes only moved to watch my movements carefully. It took a moment for me to realise what I had said as I quickly tried to correct myself, “Hang on, that sounds like I’m paying you for that back there. Nevermind. I didn’t mean it like that. Really. I’m sorry.” I lowered my hand as she still watched, “Look, I get it. I hurt you. I didn’t think I would but I did. I don’t know what happened back there.”
She spoke but her voice was barely a whisper and strained, “You think I killed them.”
Fuck. I fucked up. She hates me. But she’s supposed to? Why do I care? I shook my head, “Oh no no no, I know you didn’t- I- I was just there and when uhm…” Just let her hate you. Let it end. Please.
As I trailed off, trying to collect my words, she walked over and sat beside me. Her movements were careful as she seemed sore from the fight. One of her hands went to her neck for a moment as if it were hurting. I leaned over some to see it, now distracted from my own thoughts.
Her neck had a decently large bandage plastered uncomfortably on it. A red stain faintly seeping into the center. Her eyes were tired. She gave a look out into the trees that seemed as if a thousand words were trying to scramble to the front. She seemed ready to say anything but didn’t.
I watched a moment before looking ahead again at the trees. What was she thinking? “...Uhm…I know it probably hurts to talk right now. You don’t have to. But don’t worry. I don’t know about how fast you heal but usually its less than a week and you’ll have your voice back.” I looked at her again, emphasising my words, “Less time if you go to a hospitle.”
She slowly blinked before giving a small sigh. With one foot she kicked off one of her boots. She tried to reach forward and pick the boot up without bending her neck but had some difficulty. When I reached forwards and grabbed it for her, she paused and watched. A hint of confusion behind her eyes as I handed her the boot.
Moving on, she reached the boot and pulled out a few dollar bills. Gears turned my head to understand as I guessed, “That’s all you have? Do you not have a job? But like not this job, a different one?”
She made a minute movement like attempting to shake her head.
A snappier tone came through, “Why not? Why wouldn’t you? You’re out here on your own. Your parents can’t look after you.”
She gently grabbed and pulled one of her ears. Showing the furless webbed inside of the ear as in my mind, it clicked. She couldn’t. Not in this town.
Though as she moved her hand back down, it seemed to fall limp beside her from exhaustion. The red stain across her bandages has grown.
My eyes widening as I realise, “...Don’t tell me she did your bandages…” I quickly rushed to the other side of the roof. My heart felt as if it had locked itself up as I saw Blair’s car still parked in the grass out front beside my own.
“Shit.” I turned back to Michael, her tired eyes probably from the blood slowly seeping out an intentionally bad patch up. She doesn’t know it yet but if I leave her here, she might die. Not yet. But Blair would hear the car. We would have to walk to be unnoticed. But by then I’d be taking a corpse to the hospital again.
I must have been frozen in place watching her as my mind ran. Trying to pick a choice. This person that my family despised. This person I’m supposed to hate. It hurt me to hate them.
Another blur. Rushing against the clock. Slamming car doors. Laying her in the back seat. Blair’s distant yells fading away as I drove to town.
My senses returned as I glanced at the rear view mirror. Michael’s bandages soaked in red. The stain is now spreading onto my car seats again. Her arm was limp and laying on the floorboards. My eyes returning focus on the road.
Tires screeched to a stop in front of the building as I scrambled to get her out of the car. It was now all limp. The same cold feeling. Desperation as I ran. The adrenaline blurring everything in my mind again as the details no longer mattered.
What mattered now was when I waited. Sitting quietly and looking down at the blood covered shirt. The waiting room silent with a few eyes on me. But no one daring enough to ask me to hide the blood. Only hopeful and fearful eyes, wishing that whatever I was waiting on, wasn’t already gone.
How cold was she when I brought her in? She was cold but was it the same? No, bodies are colder. She still had a chance, at least I would hope.
My phone rang endlessly in my pants pocket. I heard it, but never listened. All I listened to now was the aching in my sprained ankle, the heart beat slowing in my chest, the shearing rashes under my eyes, the cold air drying the blood into my fur and skin, the rain pelting the window behind me. Tonight was finally over. My head grew heavy as I closed my eyes.
I just wanted the month to be over already. I dreamt it was. I dreamt of the sand and ocean washing over me. A deep blue wave of warmth brushing away all the pain. For that brief dream I felt safe. But despite the hours I was there, in my mind, it only lasted a second. Why can’t everything else.